Part 4: In Pursuit of Dreams
The Vivian Mae Faircloth Story
In part 3, Vivian's marriage to Louis faced growing disparities. Unable to secure a divorce due to Louis' commitment to his faith, Vivian found solace in a flirtation with the mailman. Fueled by a desire to rediscover herself, she made the drastic decision to leave her marriage, driving away with him. However, the reality of her choices set in as she faced rejection from her sister, loneliness, and eventual dependence on Louis for help, leading to a strained relationship until their divorce in 1962. (Read the story from the beginning.)
Fresh Starts & Open Doors
Prior to the divorce, Vivian had secured employment working on the factory line at the Minnesota Plastic Company. This was different from the other women in her social circle who stayed home to manage the household and the children. Whether she regretted not having the option of staying home or not, Vivian always considered herself lucky to have a job, especially one as secure as what she had found. And, having the money to spoil her children and continue to help her own mother was a welcome bonus.
Once she returned from California, a divorce was always looming but the impetus may have been that she had met a man. He worked at the same company. His name was John Geretschlaeger and he was everything Louis was not: he was gentle, stable and financially goal oriented. He was three years older, divorced, had served in WW2 and was looking for a happy, healthy relationship. It wasn’t long before they fell in love and eloped in the summer of 1963 to California. Their first purchase as a married couple? An 1,800 square foot, 3 bedroom, 2 bath home on Magnolia Street in East St. Paul.
For reasons she probably never understood herself, owning a home provided the stability she had been seeking her whole life – the culmination of a lifetime of dreams. To her, it signaled that she belonged as an individual in society. She was proud of her home and it showed in the meticulous upkeep. Over time, her confidence blossomed.
Of course, children – especially those in their teenage years – can throw a wrench in the happiest of times. John was not their father, and David and Kathy were going to make sure both he and their mother understood that. Stubbornness is a trait that runs deep in Vivian’s children. It wasn’t until they were both married with young families of their own that they came to realize John’s love for their mother was not only true, but obvious. Afterall, Vivian was happier than they had ever known her to be.
During the 21 years of Vivian and John’s marriage, they owned four homes and two different weekend getaway cabins. When John died of heart failure in 1984, Vivian was heartbroken and never fully recovered from that grief.
“God give me strength. Make it peaceful for him. It’s in His hands now. I tried to be a good wife . . . hope he realizes I do love him. . . Goodbye, my love. Wait for me.”
A widow, Vivian found herself alone again but this time she wasn’t terrified.
Redemption & Reconciliation
The day after Vivian turned 42 in 1967, her first grandchild was born, marking the onset of her third profound experience with love. Her own son had been a first grandchild, cherished by grandparents, aunts, and uncles alike. Now, having produced a son of his own, Vivian became intricately involved in not only his early years but also those of many subsequent grandchildren. At one point, the proximity of residences saw David, Kathy, and Vivian living on the same street, just a few houses apart.
Assisting in the care of her grandchildren became a source of anticipation for Vivian. While she had maintained a firm stance in raising her children, this attitude intensified when helping with the grandkids, according to Kathy. Though the grandkids have a memory or two associated with a firm style – like no dessert if you don’t eat your peas, or being forced to write the ABC’s over and over until they were correct – the positive rapport Vivian built with her grandchildren was nearly unparalleled. She would joyfully immerse herself in their world, employing all their senses — squeezing pudgy cheeks, cooing in tiny ears, and smiling at the big, curious eyes. When older, grandson Todd would often drive over to her house to visit. “We’d talk about everything. . . it was just so honest and open and I knew [everything she said was] from a position of love.”
Playing cards with her grandchildren became a cherished pastime. She herself was never invited to play cards with the adults as a child, but was the first to suggest it with her grandchildren. Whether Tripoly or Uno, six kids would gather around her tiny formica-topped table, pennies in hand, ready to ante up.
Vivian dedicated generous amounts of time to her grandchildren, all the while maintaining a friendly relationship with Louis even after her remarriage to John. Family gatherings consistently included the three of them, and to the best recollections of everyone present, this arrangement was never problematic for Vivian, Louis, or John.
Though simultaneously fostering strong relationships with her grandchildren and her ex-husband, Vivian's relationship with her children, particularly with her daughter, remained challenging. Kathy said, "I had a very frustrating relationship with my mother.” As a teenager, Kathy had been kicked out of her home for a small infraction. Vivian tossed all her clothes out the door, leaving Kathy no choice but to live with a neighbor friend for three months. Another time she was grounded for two weeks for being two minutes late. Even today – David and Kathy toggle between rose-colored glasses and dark, tinted lenses when looking back on the tumultuousness that defined a good portion of their youth. But, with some distance and knowledge of the greater context, it’s easier to understand their mother’s perspective.
Though never strictly religious, Vivian believed in God and reincarnation, especially as she grew older. She encouraged and attended the religious celebrations of all of her grandchildren and many of her great-grandchildren from baptisms to marriage. She frequently teased her family, with a twinkle in her eye and her hand outstretched like a claw, about returning as a soaring bald eagle to keep her talons firmly ingrained in everyone.
In the 5th and final part of Vivian’s story she makes promises to her grandchildren while on her deathbed.
Love
Kirsi- I know you were concerned about getting your grandmother’s story “right”. Mission accomplished! And as others have said so relatable.