Yesterday, we were watching old family videos with my sons and my grandchildren. When my older son was identifying the individuals for his children, he mentioned that they were my brother and sisters, then changed it to my step-brother and -sisters.
I had to chime in and tell them Aunt Ellie was my best friend for many years (she has passed away). Then my son mentioned that he never thinks of his brother as his half-brother. (My husband had sole physical custody of his 6-year-old son and he insisted on calling me Mom as soon as I was engaged to his father. I legally adopted him once he was an adult. The other son is my only biological child.)
Because I came from a blended family, I saw my 14-year-old brother's struggle between his loyalty to his mother and his relationship with my mother with whom he lived. I told my son right off that he could love more than one person. Loving me didn't mean he couldn't love his biological mother.
So yes, I totally agree that you should include everyone in the household in your research. This month I'll be posting a story that mentions Nehemiah Spencer who moved from Connecticut to now West Virginia and helped his half-brother, Dr. Joseph Spencer start a settlement.
So sweet. You are so right about loyalties. It's hard for some children to feel good about loving others than their biological parents. What you said to your son is wonderful!
Thank you for commenting. I look forward to your upcoming story.
Hi Kirsi, your post resonated with me. My great grandfather Samuel John married twice. His first wife, Mary Ann, died in 1881 soon after the death of her last born child. They had six children, the third of whom was my grandfather Walter. He was only 10 years old when his mother died, and just 13 years old when his father remarried. Jemima Blackburn was aged 32 when she married Samuel and took on the parenting of Walter and his five siblings. I have written Jemima's story in my collection of ancestral stories to ensure that this step-mother is remembered, not just for taking on the role of parenting six children of her husband's, but also giving birth to six sons of her own, between the years of 1886 and 1898, a span of 12 years. This meant that Jemima was still having her children until she was 46 years old. An extraordinary woman to be caring for 12 children - and a remembered step great grandmother.
Carole, your step great-grandmother sounds like an exceptional human being. How wonderful for you (and your grandfather) to have her as part of your tree and legacy.
Preaching to the choir! There are some wild examples in my mid 19th century lineages where hard times and a death resulted in the children being "farmed out" to who ever would take them in.
Funny you mention that. I’m researching a line of my family where it seems like that may have happened too. Very challenging to untangle! But also another reminder of the importance of steps, as you said!
When my grandmother was very young a relative came to stay. She and her siblings tried to work out how he was related, so when he arrived they were ready to say “hello step old great uncle Fred”. They were severely told off! My grandmother told me the story nearly 80 years later, so it made an impression.
Yesterday, we were watching old family videos with my sons and my grandchildren. When my older son was identifying the individuals for his children, he mentioned that they were my brother and sisters, then changed it to my step-brother and -sisters.
I had to chime in and tell them Aunt Ellie was my best friend for many years (she has passed away). Then my son mentioned that he never thinks of his brother as his half-brother. (My husband had sole physical custody of his 6-year-old son and he insisted on calling me Mom as soon as I was engaged to his father. I legally adopted him once he was an adult. The other son is my only biological child.)
Because I came from a blended family, I saw my 14-year-old brother's struggle between his loyalty to his mother and his relationship with my mother with whom he lived. I told my son right off that he could love more than one person. Loving me didn't mean he couldn't love his biological mother.
So yes, I totally agree that you should include everyone in the household in your research. This month I'll be posting a story that mentions Nehemiah Spencer who moved from Connecticut to now West Virginia and helped his half-brother, Dr. Joseph Spencer start a settlement.
So sweet. You are so right about loyalties. It's hard for some children to feel good about loving others than their biological parents. What you said to your son is wonderful!
Thank you for commenting. I look forward to your upcoming story.
Hi Kirsi, your post resonated with me. My great grandfather Samuel John married twice. His first wife, Mary Ann, died in 1881 soon after the death of her last born child. They had six children, the third of whom was my grandfather Walter. He was only 10 years old when his mother died, and just 13 years old when his father remarried. Jemima Blackburn was aged 32 when she married Samuel and took on the parenting of Walter and his five siblings. I have written Jemima's story in my collection of ancestral stories to ensure that this step-mother is remembered, not just for taking on the role of parenting six children of her husband's, but also giving birth to six sons of her own, between the years of 1886 and 1898, a span of 12 years. This meant that Jemima was still having her children until she was 46 years old. An extraordinary woman to be caring for 12 children - and a remembered step great grandmother.
Carole, your step great-grandmother sounds like an exceptional human being. How wonderful for you (and your grandfather) to have her as part of your tree and legacy.
Preaching to the choir! There are some wild examples in my mid 19th century lineages where hard times and a death resulted in the children being "farmed out" to who ever would take them in.
Funny you mention that. I’m researching a line of my family where it seems like that may have happened too. Very challenging to untangle! But also another reminder of the importance of steps, as you said!
When my grandmother was very young a relative came to stay. She and her siblings tried to work out how he was related, so when he arrived they were ready to say “hello step old great uncle Fred”. They were severely told off! My grandmother told me the story nearly 80 years later, so it made an impression.
Thank you. Great reminder.
All very good info. I love the picture of your blended family.
very insightful